Who Comes First– Your Partner or Your Baby?
In the beginning, there were two…
Chronologically, your partner was there first. He was in the center of your attention, your other half, the one you chose to live your life with. Together you created a family. You conceived, the two of you were excited throughout the pregnancy and waited to meet your baby, who will expand your description from a couple to a family.
Then your baby was born – small, new to the world and helpless without you. The three of you became a family, and at the same time, you lost your life as a couple. Or did you? Many couples experience a dramatic change in their relationship after their first baby is born. For most, the changes result in nothing more than period of adjustment; others may experience permanent and dramatic changes.
It is common to experience changes in the dynamics of your family when a baby is added to the picture. With all the excitement of bringing home a new baby, adjusting to the baby’s schedule, which is now your new schedule, lack of sleep and hormones, etc. – it can be overwhelming and your relationship and intimacy with your partner will suffer, or at least take the back seat for a while.
The good news is that this can be temporary. It is all up to the two of you. So who comes first for you? Your baby or your partner?
The answer is very personal. Different people have different priorities and needs. Your baby is helpless in its first year of life, and therefore will actually NEED more of your attention, care and love. Your husband/partner, while he can (potentially) take care of himself, still needs your love and affection even after your baby is born as well. Try and find the balance that works for you and your family. Feelings of neglect are not something you want in your newly expended household.
January, 4th 2010 at 1:02 pm
Very different when in a second time round relationship. My daughter will always come first, then my hubby..who I am certain would put all his children before me (including those from previous marriage. Any mother who feels put out or precious about the thought of not being the most important being in a relationship once children arrive is either spoilt or deluded. Your relationship just shifts onot a differnet plain but not necessarily for the, its just different but priority for any mother should always be for her children.
January, 4th 2010 at 5:17 pm
Children and remarrying can be a delicate issue indeed. In these situations, it can be tricky and more delicate of a position for the parents to juggle and priorities, BUT, sometimes it is necessary. Your children should always be in the forefront of our mind, but your relationship should not be neglected as well.
Tricky indeed.
Good luck!