When you see your friends or family members go through a pregnancy, you think “how nice”, maybe even “lucky her”. The last thing you probably think about is the stress and planning that they go through until, well, you are there.  Yes, there are planners who think of it all in advance, but even they have surprises along the way.

As your delivery date approaches, you may suddenly realize that you actually do not know how to care for a baby, have never given a bath to a newborn, or you are clueless about breastfeeding. These types of thoughts may be overwhelming, but are expected. Before you allow yourself to freak out (which is allowed, but not always necessary or beneficial…) you should know – you are not alone!

Lets start with the fact that everyone who chooses to have a baby has to learn how to care for their child.  It has been done for generations (how else would we be here?…) by new parents around the world. While parenting comes from experience, there are plenty of resources to help you feel prepared for parenthood!

New parents often ask: how do you get over the anxiety and get the hang of caring of a baby that isn’t even here yet? That’s a great question! First, you can (and should) take advantage of parenting classes offered by your hospital, such as baby basics, infant CPR, breastfeeding, etc.

Another great resource is your friends and family for help and advice. Other Moms have experienced the same feelings and questions you are facing now. While some parents are timid about sharing their newborn experiences, most feel obliged to giving tips and ideas as they too were once in your shoes.

You can also find reading material on caring for a newborn online or in print (there are some really good books that can guide you through more than just the first year!).  Many have found various blogs to be useful and honest, and provide the opportunity for parents to connect and relate to other parents around the world.

When your baby arrives, ask for help and accept any help offered to you! And always remember, you are not alone! Parenting can seem intimidating and requires a huge amount of responsibility, however the more you read and talk about it, the better you will feel about becoming a parent!

Postpartum depression is a serious illness, that can last for months after childbirth, miscarriage and stillbirth. Symptoms of postpartum depression include deep sadness, feelings of hopelessness, loss of appetite, sleep problems, extreme fatigue, difficulty to concentrate and even fatal thoughts. You may also find yourself unable to care for your newborn.

Unlike baby blues, which many women experience in the first couple of weeks after childbirth, postpartum depression can last for months. With baby blues, you may have trouble sleeping and feel moody, teary, and overwhelmed, but you will likely have these feelings along with being happy about your baby.

In rare cases, a severe form of depression called postpartum psychosis may develop after childbirth. Symptoms of postpartum psychosis may include strange behavior and hearing things that are not there. A women suffering postpartum psychosis may harm herself or her baby or others and needs immediate treatment.

It’s very important to get treatment for depression. The sooner you get treated, the sooner you’ll feel better and enjoy your baby.

Developing a relationship with your baby can happen as soon as the moment you find out about your pregnancy. It is possible you may feel a connection, responsibility and love right away to your un-born baby. On the other hand, it could be that it’ll take longer to bond with your baby, even after you hold her in your arms.

Bonding with your baby is individual. Do not panic if you don’t develop an immediate attachment with your baby. It can take a little time to bond. After all, you have undergone a tremendous change in your life, and some of us need a little while longer to adjust to the new situation, to being a parent.

Even after carrying your baby for nine months, it is normal to feel nervous when holding your baby for the first time. You may now be realizing the responsibility that lies in your hands for the first time. You and hubby may have been calling each other Mom and Dad half jokingly, and suddenly the new title is real with the arrival of your little one. As joyful as it is, it could also be a shock and you should give yourself time to snap out of it.

As long as you are taking care of your baby’s basic needs, it is OK if you are not feeling that strong connection right away. Do not beat yourself up, but instead take the time to get to know your baby and develop a relationship. Remember the hormones that accompanied your pregnancy? The mood swings and cravings? Your body is still unbalanced and it will be a little while longer before you are “back to normal”. Bear this in mind before you judge yourself for not bonding immediately with your newborn.

If a few weeks passed and you still don’t feel a connection with your baby, call your doctor and talk about your feelings and concerns, it is possible you are suffering from postpartum depression. If that is the case, the sooner you take care of yourself and get the appropriate professional help, the less it will affect your baby and the relationship you two develop.

Bonding with a baby is very different than developing a relationship with other adults. Daily care-giving, spending time and learning your babies needs will grow with time and help you bond with your child.  This bond will increase as you experience the joy of seeing her first smile, the excitement of watching her learn how to turn and delight of following her new achievements. Soon you will find yourself bragging to friends or family about your baby’s new achievements, at which time you may realize what the connection you share with your baby and how special to you it is. Now that is the joy in being a Mother or Father.

You are a mom. Welcome to the world of joy, challenges, and unexpected criticism. Who would have thought that having kids would result in anyone and everyone sharing their views, experiences and freely passing judgment on your parenting skills and/or approaches? Well, after hearing conflicting advice (sometimes from the same person), endless tactless comments about your size and weight gain during pregnancy, you’d think you’d be immune to people’s comments once the baby arrives..  However, in theory – yes maybe we should be, but reality is a completely different story.

The single friend

Your single, childless friends, may surprise you (with their attitude) as you give birth and start the challenging process of raising & educating your off spring (remember, they do NOT come with a manual). If/when they start passing judgment of your ways, best thing to do is to breath and let go. They have no experience and therefore no idea what you are going through and that what they just said is irrelevant/annoying/not true/just plain stupid/etc. Remember, they really can NOT relate, and have no idea what you are faced with.

The single stranger

You’ll see her in the supermarket staring in disapproval of your crying child, or hear her comment (maybe to your face, more likely under her breath) about your kid’s behavior in a store, or the park. She clearly has no personal experience, but acts like she’s had 5 kids and raised them flawlessly. Let’s see her reaction when a toddler in her care starts screaming in the supermarket for no apparent reason.

The older (stranger) lady

She was a mother to a newborn or toddler so long ago – that she still relates everything back to 1945 and seems to have forgotten things have changed dramatically since then.  She is the one who freely tells you what you are doing wrong and what you should be doing differently. Don’t be intimidated by her expression of experience, you know your child best and therefore you know what is right for him/her.

Your parents/grandparents/in-laws

Well, they now have a new title they should get used to, enjoy, and most importantly, embrace. The parenting is YOUR job, & while you can ask for their advice, you are the parent. They WILL tell you what and how to do things. They will, each in their own way, find fault in your actions, and tell you how you should bath, change, and feed your newborn. As a new Mom, you may need the help, but at the same time you need to bond and find YOUR way. Don’t be afraid to establish boundaries with family members who are clearly over stepping, or becoming insulting with their assumptions about your own parenting skills.  After all they raised you – did you turn out so bad that you need the extra advice?

Here are some tips.  Listen politely; take into account what they are saying before you react. Not everything will be bad advice, but if it starts to feel threatening and if it’s your family you will likely know how to best respond to them.  However, before you do take a moment before you respond and think through what you want to say and how.  If it’s not your family ask your hubby or partner to explain the boundaries – especially if you are just fresh out of the delivery room and haven’t even gotten a chance to start parenting yet.

It used to be common for Mothers to stay home with their kids, take care of the house and everyone’s needs, while Dad went to work to earn money and support the family. Things were very cut and dry and everyone knew their role. But, times have changed. The women’s liberation movement of the 60’s was the start of women taking a stand – burning their bras in their fight for equality, and more importantly choice.

Well, we sure know how to shoot ourselves in the foot and feel like we won, don’t we?… We now doubled our responsibilities and are torn between a carrier and a family, or at least some of us may be. There certainly are solutions for each, but you have to plan ahead before actually becoming a Mom. Or at least think of your options if you are a carrier woman and are planning on returning to work once your maternity leave is over.

Returning to work after having your first child can bring up different feelings, and your reaction is very personal to your lifestyle, goals and whether you control the decision to return to work (which many woman don’t), as well as your still out-of-whack after birth hormones.

Even if you chose to return to work, it may be harder than you expected in the beginning.  You may find that as the return to work date approaches you wish you could extend your stay at home longer. Also, the first week may be hard and you may find yourself on the phone with the babysitter most the time or thinking of your baby and what he/she may be doing at that moment. These feelings are normal, and believe it or not, it WILL get better.

Some women are ready to return to work, and may even welcome the return to a routine that is familiar and involves adults… As special as your baby is, you still need a break from feeding, cleaning, changing diapers and all that comes with caring for a baby, even if that break happens to be work.

As a new Mom, be ready for anything. If you were a carrier driven woman before, you will find that you get excited about work again eventually if not right away. Just give yourself time to adjust to the new situation. After all, this is all new, and it only makes sense that you want to be with your child.

Give yourself time, and it’ll all fall into place eventually.