You’ve had your first baby, and you and your partner have decided you are ready to expand the family once again. While that is an exciting decision, you now have a little one to factor into these types of decision makings.

Yes, it is YOUR decision, but taking a minute to consider how it will affect your little one may go a long way. That is not to say that you should go and consult your first born what he/she thinks of the possibility of becoming an older brother/sister, but think of how he/she will react to such news (based on personality), will he take well to sharing your attention, how will he/she treat the new baby, what will be a good time to share the news, etc.

Is your little one ready to be an older brother or sister? Is there really a way to know? Well, not really. Only time will tell. What you CAN do is prepare the whole family for this new adventure.

This can be a wonderful and exciting time for all of you. After you tell your little one the news, you can go to a prenatal visit together so your firstborn can ‘meet’ the new baby. You can practice holding a doll together, take sibling preparation class at the hospital, and talk about ‘your little brother/sister’ and how things may change, what they can do together, etc.

You may need to help your firstborn to adjust to the newly expanded family. If you have family or friends near by, use them for help. Continue whatever routine your eldest already have (daycare for example), and make him/her feel a part of the joy your family is graced with.

In the beginning, there were two…

Chronologically, your partner was there first. He was in the center of your attention, your other half, the one you chose to live your life with. Together you created a family. You conceived, the two of you were excited throughout the pregnancy and waited to meet your baby, who will expand your description from a couple to a family.

Then your baby was born – small, new to the world and helpless without you. The three of you became a family, and at the same time, you lost your life as a couple. Or did you? Many couples experience a dramatic change in their relationship after their first baby is born. For most, the changes result in nothing more than period of adjustment; others may experience permanent and dramatic changes.

It is common to experience changes in the dynamics of your family when a baby is added to the picture. With all the excitement of bringing home a new baby, adjusting to the baby’s schedule, which is now your new schedule, lack of sleep and hormones, etc. – it can be overwhelming and your relationship and intimacy with your partner will suffer, or at least take the back seat for a while.

The good news is that this can be temporary. It is all up to the two of you. So who comes first for you? Your baby or your partner?

The answer is very personal. Different people have different priorities and needs. Your baby is helpless in its first year of life, and therefore will actually NEED more of your attention, care and love. Your husband/partner, while he can (potentially) take care of himself, still needs your love and affection even after your baby is born as well. Try and find the balance that works for you and your family. Feelings of neglect are not something you want in your newly expended household.