After roughly 40 weeks of pregnancy, usually even a month or so earlier, you are ready for the last stage of the pregnancy – the delivery. Hopefully by now you have mastered all the birth preparation courses offered by your hospital (if you chose to take them), and your hospital bag is ready (or you at least have a good idea what it should contain).

At this point it is probably safe to assume you understand that there is no way back and the only way to get this baby out is to go through with childbirth. You may be concerned and even frightened about the pain of the actual birth, wonder about contractions and how they feel, and be impatient in expectation for the big day to finally arrive.

While you wait for your little one to make its way down the birth canal and your cervix to start dilating, you can take action as well to prepare your body for the delivery. What can you do? To start, you can drink loose leaf red raspberry tea. This tea is known to help strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor and induce labor. While not medically proven, it is widely used by midwives throughout the world, and if you are ready to meet your little one sooner, why not try?

At around 35 weeks, it is time to start thinking about tearing, episiotomies and how you may be able to avoid them. An episiotomy is a surgical cut in the muscular area between the vagina and the anus (the area called the perineum) made just before delivery to enlarge your vaginal opening. Buy almond oil and start with tri-weekly perineum massage. You may need to engage your partner in this activity, for it may be challenging to reach your perineum area with a big prego belly..

To help speed along the arrival of your baby you can try to help your pelvis to open up by bouncing on a birth (aka Pilate’s) ball with your legs spread apart, or walk up stairs two at a time; it is said that taking a long walk can help, as well as swimming (belly down); having sex is another way to help speed things along. There are many other tricks to induce labor you can try, but your best bet is to enjoy the time you have of your life as you know it pre baby and let your baby do what’s best for him.

Have an easy delivery!

In the beginning, there were two…

Chronologically, your partner was there first. He was in the center of your attention, your other half, the one you chose to live your life with. Together you created a family. You conceived, the two of you were excited throughout the pregnancy and waited to meet your baby, who will expand your description from a couple to a family.

Then your baby was born – small, new to the world and helpless without you. The three of you became a family, and at the same time, you lost your life as a couple. Or did you? Many couples experience a dramatic change in their relationship after their first baby is born. For most, the changes result in nothing more than period of adjustment; others may experience permanent and dramatic changes.

It is common to experience changes in the dynamics of your family when a baby is added to the picture. With all the excitement of bringing home a new baby, adjusting to the baby’s schedule, which is now your new schedule, lack of sleep and hormones, etc. – it can be overwhelming and your relationship and intimacy with your partner will suffer, or at least take the back seat for a while.

The good news is that this can be temporary. It is all up to the two of you. So who comes first for you? Your baby or your partner?

The answer is very personal. Different people have different priorities and needs. Your baby is helpless in its first year of life, and therefore will actually NEED more of your attention, care and love. Your husband/partner, while he can (potentially) take care of himself, still needs your love and affection even after your baby is born as well. Try and find the balance that works for you and your family. Feelings of neglect are not something you want in your newly expended household.

If you plan to breastfeed, you should be prepared to face a lot of challenges. Although you may already be concerned about the actual act of breastfeeding and weather or not it will hurt – there are a few other issues awaiting your discovery. Once you will have your baby, get some breastfeeding experience under your belt, and are finally ready to take your baby out in public – you may encounter new issues that you may have not thought of yet.

The first time you will have to nurse in public may be a bit challenging. First, it is a very private and personal thing that it isn’t always the most comfortable for brand new moms. Your best bet is to try and find a semi-private area of the park / a booth at the restaurant (rather than table), and/or a changing room at a store.

After a couple times you will find the best places to nurse and what clothing may work best for nursing out in public (a nursing top or apron) and you will learn quickly whether or not you are even feel comfortable with the whole experience of nursing in public. If you discover that it’s too uncomfortable for you -  you can always pump and bring a bottle with you when you are out of the comfort of your own home.

The one thing you can not control, if you choose to breastfeed in public, are people’s reactions – so be prepared for anything. Some moms may nod at you, as if you shared something in common, some people will stare with disapproval or make a comment or even ask you to go somewhere else. You should know your breastfeeding rights, so you don’t feel threatened. Even tough breastfeeding in public is legal in the United States, not everyone knows it, which may lead to complaints. If you experience incidents of discrimination when breastfeeding in public or have problems at the work place, you can report it to first right.

‘How long are you planning to breastfeed?’ is a very common question people tend to ask during this stage of your life. As if you can predict if nursing will work out for you as well as for your newborn, or somehow you have foresight as to how long your body will produce milk.  What is more challenging is when the questions are geared towards judgment of your choices in breastfeeding. There will be someone who will judge you for nursing for too long, explaining to psychological implications of the act, while at the same time, another will judge you for the exact opposite, grilling you for not providing those very needed neutrinos for long enough.

You may think this is an exaggeration. Hopefully in your case it will be, and you will not experience any of these or other unpleasant incidents. But just in case, be aware, maybe even prepared with an answer, and don’t take anything to heart. You are doing the best for your baby, whatever your choice is.

The saying “God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers” could not be any closer to the truth. Think of it for a moment.  Once you have your first baby, it will become more evident to you how needed you are (and how much can be done in not to much time…).

At home, even before the baby, you most likely did (or shared with your spouse) the household chores. Cleaning the house, washing & folding laundry, washing dishes, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning again, etc. Once you become a mother, your ‘skills’ are needed even more, and by more people. The obvious new roll you take on is the one of a mother. Your baby needs you for everything, especially in the first six months. Once your newborn can crawl, sit and entertain him/herself, you will still be needed, but will have more freedom to multi task as you may have done before.

The life you had before, may seem to have vaporized in front of your eyes, but one thing that hasn’t changed, is how much your spouse needs you now. Having a baby means changing the rules of the game completely, but at the same time it is important to continuously work on your romantic relationship. It is very common for new Dads to be jealous of the attention their newborns are getting from Mom. Attention that used to be his. Keep this in mind and talk to your spouse. Together you can divide the work load at home and find time to be together just the two of you.

After the birth you’ll find that you are needed at work more than you may want to be (at least in the beginning). After you get used to working, you’ll even find the positive sides of having time apart from your baby. Depending on your arrangement at work, you will be kept busy during the day.. and later kept busy at home too.

The many hats you wear keep you busy, and a helpful and understanding family will help you find the balance to tackle it all as well as find a minute to rest. If you can, accept any help offered to you, especially right after the delivery and in the first three months. Do not be too hard on yourself if you can’t get it all done as fast as you did before or beat yourself up if need help, embrace the new situation and ask for help when you need it.

It may not look like it in the beginning, but it DOES get easier.

When you think of your pregnancy, or your baby, you don’t commonly consider the changes that your body will endure in the process. Yes, you expect your belly to grow, but once you deliver you also wish for your body back and your baby belly to disappear. After all, you delivered, the baby is no longer inside and therefore your belly should go back to its normal state. Right? Well, not quite…it may take a little while.

Your genes (go ask you Mother about her experience to know what your starting point is!), along with your diet and lifestyle will dictate how your body will act post delivery. There is no magic wand to help you get your flat belly back (be true to yourself, was it really flat before the pregnancy?), and no way around having to exercise. Do so only after your doctor clears you to, after your six weeks postpartum check up.

Stretch marks appear due to stretching of your skin during pregnancy. If you have stretch marks, they are probably purple red in color. They will fade to some degree, but a scar will remain. If you absolutely can not live with these scars, wait for at least one year before you consider surgery. Tanning helps in some cases too.

Your breasts will endure the most dramatic change. During pregnancy you may have noticed that your breasts have increased in size. After delivery they enlarge even more due to your milk coming in. If you are breastfeeding you may also experience nipple pains such as cracking, engorgement of your breasts and leaking. These conditions will stabilize within a month or so. Just be patent and use lanolin or another ointment to relive the pain.

After nine month without experiencing your period, it may take you by surprise that you are bleeding so heavily and for so long after you give birth. Lochia (postpartum bleeding) usually lasts 4-8 weeks. This is normal. Your body is cleaning itself and unless you are passing through large clots of blood, there is no reason to be alarmed. The bleeding will get less intense and the red color will change to a brownish one. During this time use heavy duty pads. Do not use tampons.

Yes, things change after having a baby, your body included. Embrace the changes you approve of or cannot control (like sleepless nights with your baby and new emotions of love), and take action to change the ones you disapprove of (maybe start exercising to get your pre pregnancy shape back).

For baby

For the first time mom it can be a challenge to start thinking about and creating your baby registry list. If you have the opportunity – it is a good idea to take your mother or another experienced mother with you on your first stroll through the baby stores.

The major stores have their own check lists to hand out, but you do not necessarily need everything on them. Pick and choose, ask veteran moms for advice, and remember you can always go back after your baby is here if you realize you forgot something.

Here are some basics

• Burp cloths. Get plenty to minimize your laundry loads.
• 1 or 2 pacifiers, if you choose to use them get different kinds to try out and make sure they are for 0 months
• 4 bottles and nipples. Make sure they are for 0 months
• 2 to 3 hooded towels to swaddle baby after bath
• A “take-me-home” outfit. Look for a set that’s cute for photos, but practical for the weather as well as easy to put on (if this is your first time dressing your baby, you don’t want to make it more complicated than it has to be)
• 6 to 8 onesies, half short sleeve and half long sleeve. Select a kind that will be easy to pull over baby’s head.
• 5 pairs of pants
• 6 to 8 sleepers (aka coveralls) with built-in footies, or rompers if it’s spring or summer
• 5 to 6 sleeping gowns, which snap, zip (recommended), or cinch closed at the bottom, making late-night diaper changes easy
• 1 to 2 pairs of mittens (for winter babies)
• 6 pairs of booties or socks
• Sleep sac, for when baby outgrows the swaddle or sleep gowns, but is still too young for a blanket in the crib.
• 4 to 6 bibs. At least two should be waterproof. Once baby starts solids, you’ll need something you can just hose off.
• 4 receiving blankets.

Baby care

• Diapers. Choose weather you are going with re-usable or disposable route, and stock up.
• Disposable wipes. Always have a few packets on hand — this is not an item you want to run out of.
• Diaper rash cream
• Bottle brush
• 2 Thermometers. One to label rectal, another for use under the arm
• Nasal bulb syringe for clearing stuffy noses (provided by some hospitals after delivery)
• Baby nail clipper
• Alcohol swabs and bandages
• Baby shampoo and cleanser

Furniture +

• Crib
• Portable crib, commonly known as a Pack ‘n Play, for when you visit the grandparents.
• Infant bath tub or seat with a newborn “sling”
• Changing table with pad (you can also covert an existing dresser by topping with a pad)
• Rocking chair (nice to have, but not a must)
• Stroller: Baby won’t sit up for a few months, so you’ll need a Snap ‘n Go, a travel system or a model in which baby can fully recline.
• Swing or bouncy seat. Can give you a few peaceful hands free moments.
• Activity mat /  baby gym
• Mobile for the crib: Think music, lights and movement. Preferably with remote control
• Crib bumper
• 2 to 3 fitted crib sheets
• 2 waterproof mattress pads (unless you have a waterproof matterss)
• 2 or 3 changing pad covers
• A rear-facing infant car seat with base. If you have two cars, consider getting a second base.
• Baby carrier and/or sling
• Diaper genie: Choose one that you can operate with one hand, one that uses regular garbage bags, and has an odor control system.
• Baby monitor

Don’t forget yourself

While excitement levels are high and you only have eyes for baby items, you should plan ahead and get a few important items for yourself. Better being ready than having to run to the store (or send hubby only to have him go back and exchange it to the right size…) with…

• Nursing bras and pads (there are reusable or paper pads to choose from)
• Nursing covers for public nursing
• Nursing cloths
• Breastfeeding pillow and cover
• Breast pump. If you’re going back to work, get a \ fancy automatic double pump. You will not regret it!
• Lanolin lotion for sore nipples (provided by some hospitals after delivery)
• Breast milk freezing bags

After having your first, you may think ‘I’m a pro’, or at least feel like you know what to expect when contemplating having your second child.  However, have you ever wondered if you really ‘know’ what to expect with two children? Having one baby can be a handful, especially to the inexperienced mom, but once you have practiced parenting on your first (and made enough mistakes to call yourself a pro), shouldn’t it be easier with the second?

Well, it is true that you are now out of the dark. You have already experienced all the ‘firsts’ with one child, and with your second baby it will be that much easier it terms of what to expect, how to handle a newborn, how to breastfeed, teething, etc. But is that really all there is to it? Not really.

Being pregnancy with your second

Remember the fatigue you have experienced in the first trimester of your first pregnancy? And back then you didn’t have a baby / child to care for. Now things are a bit different… Which is a good indication of to what is to come after your second is born…

Longs naps like you may have had time for during your first pregnancy are now out of the question. Instead you need extra energy for your first child, who wants to play, needs to be cared for, may already be running around and making you run around after him or her..

This is good time to try and listen to your doctor (or others) telling you NOT to pick up heavy things. But who will carry your child? The fact that you may be pregnant will not change your child’s needs for love, affection, and being held by you.. You may laugh but – it’s true.

Later when you start showing you will have to consider WHEN and HOW to tell him about the new addition to the family…

Intro to having two kids…

Once your second arrives, you will be faced with new challenges. Jealousy is a very common feeling when it comes to siblings. Your first child is facing a new reality. He/she is no longer the center of attention in the family, and sharing your love with a new baby in the house could be challenging for him.

Depending on your firstborn’s age, you’ll be dealing with things other than siblings’ rivalry or jealousy. You may find that you are exhausted from having to care for two, sometimes three if you count Daddy as one of the gang.. You’ll have to strategize curtain things, like maybe how to handle two strollers when leaving the house, or what type of activity will best suit everyone in the family, now that there are so many different age groups in the family, and therefore a variety of interests that may not complement each other at all times (if at all).

But the best part of having another baby is the new experiences and the love and joy that will fill our home and heart. Through all the difficulties, having a baby is a wonderful and amazing experience for both yourself and the rest of the family. Help your firstborn to see how wonderful it can be to be an older brother or sister to your new baby.

When we were about eight months pregnant, we met friends (a couple with two children) for dinner. We were going to talk about babies, and what we need to have ready before our daughter is born, what to purchase, what to expect, etc. Instead, we dove into a conversation about politics and almost completely neglected the baby topic, which was no big deal since we were having so much fun.

Somehow during desert, we got back on topic long enough to hear one statement that has stayed with me since: “Daddy is always three months behind”. That is, Daddy is three month behind Mommy in understanding and accepting the major changes that are happening in a couple’s life when they are expecting a baby.

Not to say that this statement is absolute, but it made sense to some degree for us, and in different ways to other (but of course not all) couples.

It is natural for the Mom-to-be to realize the changes to come during her pregnancy, for she is carrying the baby for the duration of the pregnancy and by that possibly even developing a connection with her unborn baby. For Dad-to-be, it could be harder to connect or even to comprehend that a big change is to come. While this difference between man and woman is natural, it does not have to be this way.

It all starts from the womb

You can help your partner in crime, the “Soon to be a Daddy”  have a better grasp on the new life growing inside you, and the changes to come by asking him to join you at the Doctor’s office on your monthly prenatal visits. When the baby is big enough for you to feel kicks, you can have Daddy put his hand on your belly so he can feel the baby kicking as well.

You can look for baby names together, decide on a theme for the baby’s room and prepare a list of things you will need once the baby is born. You can also talk about your birth plan and put together a bag for the hospital in preparation for the big day.

And then you become a parent

The first three months of most babies’ lives revolve around sleeping and eating. Both rocking your newborn to sleep and feeding him are wonderful opportunities for Daddy to bond with the baby. If you are nursing, you can pump and let your partner feed.

As your baby grows, there will be many activities and opportunities for each of you to bond with him, each in your own way. With time, family activities and play, the three months delay will disappear.

Something we do not often think about when we are expecting is how the new addition to the family will affect our relationships. There are new dynamics between a mother and father once a baby is added to the picture – how can there not be? Your life as a childless couple alone has ended, and you become a nuclear family of three (at minimum). That in itself is a big change. Not to mention the fact that the new addition is a small baby that needs your care and love 24/7.

After having a baby, a loving relationship between a couple is interrupted by lack of sleep, having to deal with the new challenges of caring for a newborn, major hormonal shifts (no, those are not over once you give birth, not just yet) and adjusting to your new lifestyle. It may be unexpected, but it is not surprising that your relationship with your partner will change.

In the first few months after having your baby, it is normal for couples to go through a period of readjustment – to say the least. Even if you both equally wanted to become parents, you may find that your expectations are different of both each other and your new lifestyle as a family. The intimacy you had just a little while ago is interrupted to such a degree, that it may seem like the relationship have changed dramatically or maybe you have drifted apart completely.

These feelings are common between couples who just had their first born, and may be accompanied with more frequent conflicts, and both of you feeling frustrated, misunderstood and neglected.  It takes time to adjust to your growing nuclear cell, and reconnecting takes time and effort. But you should keep in mind that it is temporary, and you can and should help each other get over this hump. It will make your relationship stronger at the end.

Developing a relationship with your baby can happen as soon as the moment you find out about your pregnancy. It is possible you may feel a connection, responsibility and love right away to your un-born baby. On the other hand, it could be that it’ll take longer to bond with your baby, even after you hold her in your arms.

Bonding with your baby is individual. Do not panic if you don’t develop an immediate attachment with your baby. It can take a little time to bond. After all, you have undergone a tremendous change in your life, and some of us need a little while longer to adjust to the new situation, to being a parent.

Even after carrying your baby for nine months, it is normal to feel nervous when holding your baby for the first time. You may now be realizing the responsibility that lies in your hands for the first time. You and hubby may have been calling each other Mom and Dad half jokingly, and suddenly the new title is real with the arrival of your little one. As joyful as it is, it could also be a shock and you should give yourself time to snap out of it.

As long as you are taking care of your baby’s basic needs, it is OK if you are not feeling that strong connection right away. Do not beat yourself up, but instead take the time to get to know your baby and develop a relationship. Remember the hormones that accompanied your pregnancy? The mood swings and cravings? Your body is still unbalanced and it will be a little while longer before you are “back to normal”. Bear this in mind before you judge yourself for not bonding immediately with your newborn.

If a few weeks passed and you still don’t feel a connection with your baby, call your doctor and talk about your feelings and concerns, it is possible you are suffering from postpartum depression. If that is the case, the sooner you take care of yourself and get the appropriate professional help, the less it will affect your baby and the relationship you two develop.

Bonding with a baby is very different than developing a relationship with other adults. Daily care-giving, spending time and learning your babies needs will grow with time and help you bond with your child.  This bond will increase as you experience the joy of seeing her first smile, the excitement of watching her learn how to turn and delight of following her new achievements. Soon you will find yourself bragging to friends or family about your baby’s new achievements, at which time you may realize what the connection you share with your baby and how special to you it is. Now that is the joy in being a Mother or Father.