So your wife is pregnant. Now what?

While she is the one carrying your growing baby, you are a part of this miracle of life, too. Whether you can grasp it or not, your life is already changing, so get on board. You may not be suffering from morning sickness or experiencing bodily changes, but her pregnancy is bound to affect you, at some point.

From now until you cut the cord, there is a lot to learn and to get done. It used to be that men were in the dark about their wives’ pregnancies, but you can be there as well and be a part of the pregnancy.

Though there is not much you can do with regard to the actual pregnancy (after all you cannot switch places with her and carry the baby), but there are quite a few other things you can do, to feel a part of the pregnancy.

To be a part of the pregnancy from the start, you can accompany her on her prenatal visits. The doctor / midwife are there to answer both of your questions, not just hers. Seeing your growing baby in an ultrasound exam is an experience that can help you better connect with this pregnancy, which may not feel completely real to you. As her belly grows and the pregnancy becomes more tangible, you can talk to your unborn baby or try to feel his kicks. It may be a while before you can feel this, but it is exciting when you do get to feel those movements, from within.

Reading about the stages and development of pregnancy will help you understand what she is going through, and prepare you for what is to come. You can never be certain of how the pregnancy will develop and how it will affect her. Try to help her with the chores that she may now be having difficulty with.

You may not be as enthusiastic as her about shopping, in preparation for the baby, but your help does count, more than you can imagine, usually. Try to join her while shopping, putting together the crib and installing the car seat. She will appreciate it greatly.

Your sex life will change now that she is pregnant. It will change over the course of the pregnancy and if you are not sure what to expect, ask her. She may be too exhausted or uncomfortable during the first and third trimesters for intercourse. On the other hand, that is not always the case. Your best bet is to talk to her about it. The baby does not know or feel anything; therefore, it should be a reason to refrain from intercourse. If you are concerned, you can also consult her healthcare provider.

Will you be in the delivery room? Discuss your thoughts and expectations from each other for the big day. Some Dads to be want to be in the room, while others prefer to stay in the waiting room. There is no right or wrong way, but what is right for you two. Just remember that whatever you have planned should remain open to last minute changes, depending on how things progress medically.

Happy Fatherhood!

Pregnancy brings about many changes to your body, affects your mood and much more. It is only normal that your sex drive and sex life will be effected by your pregnancy. If you are concerned about your baby, rest assured that he feels nothing and as long as the pregnancy is healthy, there is no reason to refrain from sex, unless you or your partner feel uncomfortable with it. If you are uncomfortable with it, take the time to talk to each other about your concerns and see what can be resolved and what cannot.

As your body changes with the pregnancy, sex will be different as well. Your blood volume increases by 50%, which affects the size of your breasts, as well as heightens sensitivity throughout all your erogenous zones, which can mean more intense and/or multiple orgasms.

Do not be surprised if your sex drive fluctuates throughout your pregnancy. You may be so tired and nauseated during the first trimester, you will have no interest in sex. As the second trimester approaches, your libido may be awakened with the high level of hormones in your body and a ‘second wind’ you come to you, after the fatigue and morning sickness have dissolved. During the third trimester you may find that you are so uncomfortable you cannot even think of sex. While at the same time, you may be more aroused, depending on the changes to your body.

Pregnancy dreams can be very intense and may include some erotic ones. These erotic dreams can be so vivid that you may wake up and find the need to wake your hubby up, as well, for some late night pleasure.

It is normal for your sex drive to vary during pregnancy, as it is for your partner’s. He may not be experiencing physical changes, but the fact that life as he knows it is about to change, may be effecting his sex drive. He may also be affected by the changes you are going through, both physically and emotionally. Talk to him if you feel your intimacy has changed dramatically or if you find it has become bothersome for either one of you.

Sex during pregnancy can be whatever you make it. You can celebrate this miraculous time or wait it out. In any event, make sure that your relationship and connection is not effected in an unhealthy way during this time.

It only makes sense that you will have an easier time connecting with your pregnancy, than your life partner. After all, you are the one carrying the baby, the one who feels and goes through all the changes, while your partner is ‘just there for the ride’, at least until much later in the pregnancy, when the baby’s kicks get stronger and others are able to see and feel them. Even then, it can be hard for your partner to fully comprehend the changes to come.

If he is having a hard time connecting with your belly, and the changes that have come with your pregnancy, try to interest him in coming to your doctor visits with you. Seeing your baby’s development in an ultrasound exam can be extremely exciting for both of you. Seeing the baby will also help make it more real and tangible.

While hubby is not the one carrying the extra physical weight of the baby, you can involve him in couple’s exercises for pregnancy. That way he can take part in more aspects of the pregnancy. Sharing your feelings and the changes you are going through is another way to include him in the experience. You know your partner best and will know what type of details will catch his attention.

Some dads-to-be may be interested in reading or talking to their unborn child, playing music to him or just stroking your belly. Whatever your partner is comfortable with, roll with it. Later in your pregnancy ask your partner to join you for prenatal classes. Talk about whether or not he wants to be in the delivery room.

Getting your partner to connect with your growing belly is important for both, your pregnancy, and your relationship with your partner. Since he is the one who has to deal with you and your pregnancy hormones, it is better to have him on board and participating. It will also keep you closer while on this challenging journey into parenthood.

After an active period of having lots of sex in pursuit of conception, now that you have achieved the goal, you must be wondering if it is safe to continue sexual activity, for how long, is there anything you should avoid doing and other questions.

The good news is you don’t need to make any adjustments to your sex life as long as your pregnancy is low risk, with no complications. This is true up until your water breaks. As for your sexual drive, that is a different question.

Some women find that they are aroused more than usual, while others are so consumed with the excitement of the pregnancy, or affected by fatigue to such an extent that sex finds its way to the back burner.

Don’t be surprised if your partner’s sex drive is affected as well. You may find that he is more aroused by your growing belly, or that he has reservations and fears of hurting the baby or even you. While your baby is safe and is not involved in any way in your sexual activity, you will want to resolve these issues if they interrupt your sexual relations. Talking about both your fears and feelings is a good way to do just that.

With the development of your baby and your growing belly, you will have to adjust your sex life and find the right positions for the both of you. Missionary position will be an impossible one for a while, but instead of being discouraged, experiment and try new positions that will be more comfortable and doable.

If you are not interested in sex, that is OK too. Speak to your partner about how you are feeling and find other ways to show affection. Cuddling, kissing, trading massages, or even just spending the evening together in or out, can be a temporary solution. If you have concerns about your lack of sexual desire, you can always consult your doctor.

Remember your hormones levels are different and things can get back to the way they were after childbirth. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and make sure to keep communications between you and your partner open and honest. Together you will find the right path for you.

Expanding your family, whether you already have children or you are working on your first, is a life-changing experience. The decision is usually a mutual one (unless the pregnancy was a surprise to you both), and can bring about joy, but may also cause stress, anxiety, confusion and other feelings.

It is normal to be emotional about a change of this magnitude in your life. After all, the lifestyle you have known up until this point is about to be drastically altered.

If your family is expanding from two to three or more, you may be worried about the unknown, such as basic baby care for multiples, or parenting styles accustomed to each child. Parenting classes, usually offered by your hospital, can help prepare you for your new role as a parent by covering some of the basics.

If you worry about making mistakes, rest assure, you WILL make them, so there’s really no need to give it too much thought. Do your best and use your judgment, and remember you can always ask for help or advice from other parents or professionals.

Planning to expand your family the second or third (or more) time around has its own joys and challenges. You consider age differences and what the perfect spacing is for your family, but remember that most women don’t conceive on the demand and getting pregnant usually takes several tries.

What ever the age differences may be, there are different challenges to overcome and joys to be shared when raising siblings. Research sibling preparation classes for your kids when expecting a new baby, or talk to them; get them ready for the new addition to the family.

Raising children is the most demanding and the most joyous job you will experience and once you have them, you are in for the long run. Embrace your new title as a parent with all that comes with it. Remember to make time for romance and don’t forget how it all started.

For some people is it not even a question – they have always wanted kids or are at the point in their life were they are ready and want to take on this life change. Others may be going back and forth, not sure if it is time or if it is even something they want. Then there are those who are content with their life as it is and choose not to make any changes.

Regardless of your choice, make the most of it and enjoy it. Having kids right away, waiting or choosing not to have kids, are all valid decisions and are yours to make. So don’t let others make it for you.

Parenthood is both one of life’s most joyous times and its most demanding. It is hard to imagine the essence of parenthood before you have kids.

Being a parent is a much harder job than you can foresee, no matter how ready you are. The constant demand for your time and energy, the little time to recharge, the lack of training, the financial strain, and emotional involvement are all part of the difficulties of being a parent. With so much stress involved – there are the mistakes you will make (and you will), that will affect the people you love most.

No mater how much you have prepared for it, or what your plans are, they will change with the arrival your baby. It is impossible to anticipate how you will react to this tremendous responsibility, or how you will do with little to no sleep. The dynamics between you and your partner will change (sometimes temporarily, other times for good), because of the new roles you will both assume. Life in its entirety will never be the same after you become a parent.

At the same time, there is nothing that compares to the love you will receive from your child, their first smile, all the hugs, laughing together – all these and more are the heart and sole of being a parent. The rest you will have to find out on your own if you are ready to take on this life changing adventure.

Remember, there is no turning back!

Bringing your newborn home is an amazing experience. You have conquered the challenges of pregnancy, experienced the climax of childbirth, and are now stronger than ever in your relationship (hopefully). The birth of your baby marks the start of your lives as parents.

Achieving the goal of parenthood together can certainly bring a couple closer. However, at the same time the difficulties and challenges you face as a new parents can bring about conflict about parenting methods and approaches. Believe it or not, but bringing home a baby can ignite feelings of jealousy, or the loss of ‘first place’ in the eyes of your partner. Fatigue and lack of time to devote to each other can also cause frustration. Sooner or later you may realize that parenthood, as amazing as it may be, is affecting your relationship with your partner in ways you did not anticipate.

What can you do? After all, you are exhausted, your baby is completely dependant on you, and you cannot find a minute to devote to anything else. For starters, you can acknowledge the problem. Talk to your partner about both your feelings and see what your expectations from each other are.

Making time for each other is crucial. If you have relatives or friends who are willing or offering to help / babysit take them up on it! A night out, even an hour or two, would do wanders to your perspective and your relationship.

Divide up your responsibilities so that when baby is asleep, you can take the time to cuddle in front of the TV or have a candle light dinner, rather than running around trying to finish up all your chores.

Lower your standards. Although hard to do for some, you will notice that prioritizing and adjusting your standards for what is considered clean, tidy, etc. can free up some of your time and allow you the time you are missing with your spouse, as well as time to relax and recharge.

With time, your baby will become more independent and you will have more time and opportunity to nurture your relationship with your partner. In the mean time, make a few adjustments to make time for your marital relationship. It is important for you and your child that your relationship with your spouse is a strong and happy one.

Some may assume that there is no waiting period needed before resuming sexual activity after a cesarean section because there was no vaginal delivery. Although that may seem logical, it is not the case. The usual waiting period before resuming sex is six weeks after the birth (vaginal or cesarean), or after your postpartum doctor/midwife visit and they have given you the ok.

After any delivery, vaginal or cesarean there is vaginal bleeding from the uterus, which is healing and cleaning itself out from the pregnancy. At your postpartum visit your doctor will check your incisions to see how those are healing, and see if the bleeding has stopped. This is usually when you will get the green light to resume intercourse.

While most of the post partum issues resolve within 6 weeks or so, you may be dealing with still tender incision area. In that case try positions that will not introduce any direct contact with the incision area.

Another thing to take into account is that most new moms, and especially breastfeeding moms (usually for as long as they breastfeed), will experience excessive dryness and may need the help of lubrication gels or creams.

When you do decide to get back in the game, give yourself a break and ask your partner to do the same by taking things slowly. Things may not feel the same at the beginning, and muscles will be or feel stiffer than normal, or more tender. Start slow, and listen to your body. Talk to your partner and share your feeling / pain / etc. Things will return to normal eventually, but forcing things will not speed up your body’s healing process.

Six to eight weeks after you give birth, you will be ready to have sex again. It may take more or less time, depending on your delivery experience, your healing process, bleeding (usually lasts 4-6 weeks after delivery), fatigue from adjusting to your baby’s schedule and the new lifestyle as a Mom.

If you worry about pain during intercourse, you are not alone. Your vagina may be dry (especially if you are breastfeeding) and tender, which can be resolved with the use of lubricants. Start slowly and share your feelings with your partner. Different positions may work better, so try different ones if in pain till you find the right fit. If intercourse is still painful, consult your OB/GYN for other possibilities.

It is normal for your sexual desire to decline after childbirth. Fear of painful intercourse, fatigue from care for a newborn and hormone levels changing, even baby blues, can result in decreased desire to have sex. Share these feelings and concerns with your partner and find other ways maintain intimacy till you are ready to resume sex.

When you are ready to resume sexual activity, make sure you wait to have intercourse after your postpartum checkup. Realize that child birth does affect your sex life. Think for a moment of the delivery process. Remember that? It caused some trauma to your body, and it takes time for it to get back to its normal state. Thing will not be exactly as they were, but close to it. Decreased muscle tone in the vagina may reduce pleasurable friction during sex. Kegel exercises will help restore the pelvic floor muscles.

Whatever issues you may experience in your sex life after giving birth, give yourself time. Things will get better when your body will heal and you will be adjusted to motherhood and your new schedule and lifestyle.

In the beginning, there were two…

Chronologically, your partner was there first. He was in the center of your attention, your other half, the one you chose to live your life with. Together you created a family. You conceived, the two of you were excited throughout the pregnancy and waited to meet your baby, who will expand your description from a couple to a family.

Then your baby was born – small, new to the world and helpless without you. The three of you became a family, and at the same time, you lost your life as a couple. Or did you? Many couples experience a dramatic change in their relationship after their first baby is born. For most, the changes result in nothing more than period of adjustment; others may experience permanent and dramatic changes.

It is common to experience changes in the dynamics of your family when a baby is added to the picture. With all the excitement of bringing home a new baby, adjusting to the baby’s schedule, which is now your new schedule, lack of sleep and hormones, etc. – it can be overwhelming and your relationship and intimacy with your partner will suffer, or at least take the back seat for a while.

The good news is that this can be temporary. It is all up to the two of you. So who comes first for you? Your baby or your partner?

The answer is very personal. Different people have different priorities and needs. Your baby is helpless in its first year of life, and therefore will actually NEED more of your attention, care and love. Your husband/partner, while he can (potentially) take care of himself, still needs your love and affection even after your baby is born as well. Try and find the balance that works for you and your family. Feelings of neglect are not something you want in your newly expended household.