Something we do not often think about when we are expecting is how the new addition to the family will affect our relationships. There are new dynamics between a mother and father once a baby is added to the picture – how can there not be? Your life as a childless couple alone has ended, and you become a nuclear family of three (at minimum). That in itself is a big change. Not to mention the fact that the new addition is a small baby that needs your care and love 24/7.

After having a baby, a loving relationship between a couple is interrupted by lack of sleep, having to deal with the new challenges of caring for a newborn, major hormonal shifts (no, those are not over once you give birth, not just yet) and adjusting to your new lifestyle. It may be unexpected, but it is not surprising that your relationship with your partner will change.

In the first few months after having your baby, it is normal for couples to go through a period of readjustment – to say the least. Even if you both equally wanted to become parents, you may find that your expectations are different of both each other and your new lifestyle as a family. The intimacy you had just a little while ago is interrupted to such a degree, that it may seem like the relationship have changed dramatically or maybe you have drifted apart completely.

These feelings are common between couples who just had their first born, and may be accompanied with more frequent conflicts, and both of you feeling frustrated, misunderstood and neglected.  It takes time to adjust to your growing nuclear cell, and reconnecting takes time and effort. But you should keep in mind that it is temporary, and you can and should help each other get over this hump. It will make your relationship stronger at the end.

Developing a relationship with your baby can happen as soon as the moment you find out about your pregnancy. It is possible you may feel a connection, responsibility and love right away to your un-born baby. On the other hand, it could be that it’ll take longer to bond with your baby, even after you hold her in your arms.

Bonding with your baby is individual. Do not panic if you don’t develop an immediate attachment with your baby. It can take a little time to bond. After all, you have undergone a tremendous change in your life, and some of us need a little while longer to adjust to the new situation, to being a parent.

Even after carrying your baby for nine months, it is normal to feel nervous when holding your baby for the first time. You may now be realizing the responsibility that lies in your hands for the first time. You and hubby may have been calling each other Mom and Dad half jokingly, and suddenly the new title is real with the arrival of your little one. As joyful as it is, it could also be a shock and you should give yourself time to snap out of it.

As long as you are taking care of your baby’s basic needs, it is OK if you are not feeling that strong connection right away. Do not beat yourself up, but instead take the time to get to know your baby and develop a relationship. Remember the hormones that accompanied your pregnancy? The mood swings and cravings? Your body is still unbalanced and it will be a little while longer before you are “back to normal”. Bear this in mind before you judge yourself for not bonding immediately with your newborn.

If a few weeks passed and you still don’t feel a connection with your baby, call your doctor and talk about your feelings and concerns, it is possible you are suffering from postpartum depression. If that is the case, the sooner you take care of yourself and get the appropriate professional help, the less it will affect your baby and the relationship you two develop.

Bonding with a baby is very different than developing a relationship with other adults. Daily care-giving, spending time and learning your babies needs will grow with time and help you bond with your child.  This bond will increase as you experience the joy of seeing her first smile, the excitement of watching her learn how to turn and delight of following her new achievements. Soon you will find yourself bragging to friends or family about your baby’s new achievements, at which time you may realize what the connection you share with your baby and how special to you it is. Now that is the joy in being a Mother or Father.

Our almost eight months old baby girl has started daycare this week. This big milestone for the entire family was planned a few months in advance. It took a while to find the right place. Actually, after we have found one that we thought was OK, we stumbled upon the truly perfect fit. So we switched daycares, before we even started one. Yes, apparently it is THAT hard to choose the right place for your child. Or maybe it is just us.

When the date was close, we started preparing ourselves by telling others (friends and family) about the big day. Responses were varied. Some claimed it was long time coming and maybe we should have even done it sooner. Others suggested it was too early, and maybe we should consider keeping her home longer, or possibly get a nanny instead of sending her off to daycare. There were comments such as ‘get ready for her to get sick a lot and catch who knows what over there’, which even if true, sounded very inappropriate in tone, like they were accusing all daycares for being a breading environment for diseases.

We were worried that our little one will not like daycare. She has only been with someone other than Mommy or Daddy twice in her life, and we did not know how she would react to this reparation. Is she ready? Will it take her long to adjust?

Monday morning we (Mommy and Daddy) took her to daycare together. Armed with 3 bags full of required items off the list we were provided by the daycare (diapers, wipes, paper towel rolls, Kleenex, etc.) and one bag with her personal items (extra clothes, sock, bottles, etc.), we marched into the building. We passed by admissions to say hi and sign some last minute forms; said hello to a few people on the way and made it to the infant room.

By then we were quit nervous, but neglected to realize one important fact. With all that people had told us, and the fears that our bundle of joy will feel abandoned, we forgot to consider our own feelings about this huge event. A minute after we set her on the floor, our baby found a pile of toys and forgot about our existence. The teacher told us to let her play (code for ‘you can leave now’), and we were left feeling abandoned.

We watched her through the vision window in the door for a few minutes and then left (only for a few hours, but still…). We were so consumed with how she will react to this change, it never occurred to us that we will have a hard time to let go. And she is only eight months old! We thought we would have at least until her teens before we are tossed aside…

You are a mom. Welcome to the world of joy, challenges, and unexpected criticism. Who would have thought that having kids would result in anyone and everyone sharing their views, experiences and freely passing judgment on your parenting skills and/or approaches? Well, after hearing conflicting advice (sometimes from the same person), endless tactless comments about your size and weight gain during pregnancy, you’d think you’d be immune to people’s comments once the baby arrives..  However, in theory – yes maybe we should be, but reality is a completely different story.

The single friend

Your single, childless friends, may surprise you (with their attitude) as you give birth and start the challenging process of raising & educating your off spring (remember, they do NOT come with a manual). If/when they start passing judgment of your ways, best thing to do is to breath and let go. They have no experience and therefore no idea what you are going through and that what they just said is irrelevant/annoying/not true/just plain stupid/etc. Remember, they really can NOT relate, and have no idea what you are faced with.

The single stranger

You’ll see her in the supermarket staring in disapproval of your crying child, or hear her comment (maybe to your face, more likely under her breath) about your kid’s behavior in a store, or the park. She clearly has no personal experience, but acts like she’s had 5 kids and raised them flawlessly. Let’s see her reaction when a toddler in her care starts screaming in the supermarket for no apparent reason.

The older (stranger) lady

She was a mother to a newborn or toddler so long ago – that she still relates everything back to 1945 and seems to have forgotten things have changed dramatically since then.  She is the one who freely tells you what you are doing wrong and what you should be doing differently. Don’t be intimidated by her expression of experience, you know your child best and therefore you know what is right for him/her.

Your parents/grandparents/in-laws

Well, they now have a new title they should get used to, enjoy, and most importantly, embrace. The parenting is YOUR job, & while you can ask for their advice, you are the parent. They WILL tell you what and how to do things. They will, each in their own way, find fault in your actions, and tell you how you should bath, change, and feed your newborn. As a new Mom, you may need the help, but at the same time you need to bond and find YOUR way. Don’t be afraid to establish boundaries with family members who are clearly over stepping, or becoming insulting with their assumptions about your own parenting skills.  After all they raised you – did you turn out so bad that you need the extra advice?

Here are some tips.  Listen politely; take into account what they are saying before you react. Not everything will be bad advice, but if it starts to feel threatening and if it’s your family you will likely know how to best respond to them.  However, before you do take a moment before you respond and think through what you want to say and how.  If it’s not your family ask your hubby or partner to explain the boundaries – especially if you are just fresh out of the delivery room and haven’t even gotten a chance to start parenting yet.

Parenting is an art that is not taught in a class, but sometimes you may think maybe it should be.. We do our best to learn with our first child (then our second and third) what and how to do when, etc. We also make mistakes, hopefully learn from them and feel we are at least trying the best we can.

With the first baby, it is likely you are still in the dark about many things, and are trying out different approaches and methods to feel out which is appropriate for both you and your baby. Take bedtime routines, methods and theories for example. There are many of them, and on paper they may sound like a piece of cake, but in reality they may be harder to execute, and you always have to remember that your little one is an individual and hasn’t read the book you read..  So be patient and if one method doesn’t work, try another (make sure you give enough time for each method before you move on to the next).

With time and the development of your baby, you will start disciplining him/her. You may find yourself saying ‘NO’ a lot more than you have originally expected, or maybe a lot earlier than you thought you would. Once you decide it is time to start disciplining your baby, you’ll first have to consider your options and choose an approach. You should get Daddy on board so that you are not confusing yourselves or your child – consistency is key. However, you may find that that it easier said than done.

Remember that discipline is not only about saying ‘NO’. You also need to make sure to give your baby/toddler/child positive reinforcement and encouragement. A positive approach is crucially important for kids. Think of yourself when you were younger and try to remember what did and didn’t work for your parents and be creative in how you approach discipline and positive reinforcement with your own children.

Stay consistent with the approach you chose and remember to give your baby/toddler/child a lot of love and attention. By doing so, you are helping your child develop trust in you, and later in others.

Going back to work is tough – especially if you were lucky enough to get a full 12 weeks of maternity leave to spend with your new little angle.  Unfortunately, time flies by quickly – especially when you are sleep deprived and trying desperately to adjust to a new schedule with new parenting responsibilities.  You might be left feeling a little overwhelmed by yet another obligation of ‘work’. So now what?

Although you may have thought about going back to work while you were pregnant – you may find it difficult to do when you are suddenly faced with the realities of leaving your child with a sitter.  In fact, you may find it harder to do than you had originally anticipated.  Or you may be one of those mothers who is anxiously awaiting a much needed break from all the chaos of becoming a new parent and getting back into your old routine may sound refreshing.  Whichever side of the coin you fall – these feelings do not reflect on your connection and / or love to your baby what-so-ever. These feelings associate with change and need to be dealt with and addressed.

Before return to work you need to decide what to do with your baby during our absence. Your choices are between leaving your child with a family member, if that is a possibility, hire a babysitter or consider a daycare . All options have pros and cons, but only you can determine what you feel most comfortable with.

If you choose to hire a babysitter, you can check your local YMCA for infant & child CPR certified listings, get referrals from friends and family, and learn what to ask a potential sitter and how to choose one.

When looking for a daycare you first want to see what is available in your area. Ask family members and friends with young babies / children if they can recommend a daycare. A recommendation may put you at ease in selecting a facility for your loved one.  When looking, you want to check what ages they accept and what their cost is. After you have narrowed down the options you can choose the one you feel most confident will provide the best environment for your little bundle of joy.

There are different options out there, and you want to be comfortable with the one you choose. Take the time to do the research ahead of time if possible, so you can find the best fit for you and your baby.

I returned to work when my baby girl was 10 weeks old. I had gotten myself a Medela In style pump and thought I was ready face the challenges of going back to work while I was still breastfeeding.

Well, after the first day back at work it became clear that it is not THAT EASY! The first week was hard because I missed my baby girl and felt like I was a horrible Mom leaving her alone like that (Daddy was with her, which should have made me better, but still I felt guilty). Between that and other stresses, lack of sleep and adequate nutrition, I suddenly found that I had no milk to pump.

Frustrated and worried, I called a lactation consultant, who recommended Fenugreek supplements. She also suggested I make sure I eat and try to sleep when possible AND when pumping she said in her Australian accent, “and for God sakes, don’t look at the pump. It’s not a contest! Read a magazine or book instead.”

It worked! It really did! After about 10 days I stop taking the Fenugreek capsules and still maintained a high milk supply.

My daughter is now almost 7 months old. And a few weeks ago I had another dry spell. I though this time it was IT – no more milk for good. Then I came to my senses and bought Fenugreek capsules & Organic Mother’s Milk Tea and that same day I started using both – my milk supply went up dramatically! After experiencing two separate episodes of decreased milk supply I’ve learned that these dry spells can happen periodically.  Many of my other friend moms have told me they’ve experienced the same thing.

So, for all you out there, I recommend to NOT PANIC if you find that your milk supply begins to decrease! I would recommend any mother struggling to maintain their milk supply get Fenugreek capsules & Organic Mother’s Milk Tea, and make sure you are eating well and getting plenty of rest!