It used to be common for Mothers to stay home with their kids, take care of the house and everyone’s needs, while Dad went to work to earn money and support the family. Things were very cut and dry and everyone knew their role. But, times have changed. The women’s liberation movement of the 60’s was the start of women taking a stand – burning their bras in their fight for equality, and more importantly choice.

Well, we sure know how to shoot ourselves in the foot and feel like we won, don’t we?… We now doubled our responsibilities and are torn between a carrier and a family, or at least some of us may be. There certainly are solutions for each, but you have to plan ahead before actually becoming a Mom. Or at least think of your options if you are a carrier woman and are planning on returning to work once your maternity leave is over.

Returning to work after having your first child can bring up different feelings, and your reaction is very personal to your lifestyle, goals and whether you control the decision to return to work (which many woman don’t), as well as your still out-of-whack after birth hormones.

Even if you chose to return to work, it may be harder than you expected in the beginning.  You may find that as the return to work date approaches you wish you could extend your stay at home longer. Also, the first week may be hard and you may find yourself on the phone with the babysitter most the time or thinking of your baby and what he/she may be doing at that moment. These feelings are normal, and believe it or not, it WILL get better.

Some women are ready to return to work, and may even welcome the return to a routine that is familiar and involves adults… As special as your baby is, you still need a break from feeding, cleaning, changing diapers and all that comes with caring for a baby, even if that break happens to be work.

As a new Mom, be ready for anything. If you were a carrier driven woman before, you will find that you get excited about work again eventually if not right away. Just give yourself time to adjust to the new situation. After all, this is all new, and it only makes sense that you want to be with your child.

Give yourself time, and it’ll all fall into place eventually.

In today’s westernized society, couples are waiting longer to settle down and have a family – increasing the average first time parent age close to 30. It’s not hard to understand why, with education becoming more emphasized and careers becoming the center of our lives, there is no surprise that starting a family is often put on the back burner. Many couples set financial goals for themselves and forget to include how a baby may affect their goal achievement.  Some are sucked into their careers to such a degree, that the idea of having a baby gets pushed aside. While others even decide that having a baby will have such a negative impact on their career that they chose not to have any children at all.

All these are valid thoughts and life decisions. But if you DO want a family, you should remember that the clock is ticking, even for men.

Someone once told me that there is never a good time to have a baby (or maybe it was ‘there is never a good time like the present?’ I’m not sure anymore). In the pursuit of life, power and money, it is only logical that we are “too busy” to become parents, or we don’t have enough this that or the other thing. But when we wait for all these “things” (which we will acquire regardless if we really want them), we forget that we are not getting younger, and that raising a baby takes energy.

Over the last 2000 years, the average age for first time parents increasing. In biblical times the average age for a mother was about 13. Today the age is about 30. Although there are still some very young parents – there are many more older parents – often exceeding 40. If you do the math, you’ll find that more and more couples have their first child in their early 30’s verses their early 20’s just a generation ago.

Before you wake up one day and feel you have missed the train, consider your options. Maybe you don’t have to accomplish everything on your list before you start your family, or maybe you do. Just acknowledge the fact that time could be of the essence and money/power/etc. may not be ‘all that’ if it costs you your chance at parenthood.

In a world where having children is a joy and excitement and anxious anticipation of what is to come fills our conversations – it’s amazing how quiet everyone gets once these little blessings arrive into our lives.  Let’s be honest, parenting is hard!  However, what often makes it harder is that few parents will admit or even talk about the difficulties of parenting. Sometimes I wonder if people are living in denial, or if they are just hiding under a thick blanket of ‘keeping appearances’ up for the surrounding world.  Regardless, of why so many shy away from admitting that parenting hard – it is, and remains the world’s most difficult and challenging job!  It will test your patience, ability to multi-task, ability to get anything truly done in a day, and it will force you to operate and function with only minimal sleep.  Somehow when we are planning for our babies to arrive we find it hard to imagine any difficulties or challenges.  Even while pregnant, you may think “I want 3 kids”, and plan them to be two years apart – your plan will be the most logical thing to you, and seemingly make sense until your first baby arrives.  Then reality sets in..

The reality of motherhood is that it is far from being logical let alone scheduled. Life takes a new turn once your little one arrives, and for the most part takes control over your daily routine. Especially if you choose to be a stay at home Mom (but also if you don’t), and try to put order in the chaos that is now your life (newborns often mix up their days and nights, and if you are lucky, they will feed every 3 hours on average). It will take months (if not years) till your schedule will return to.. hummmm, your hands.

Children are a joy – nonetheless, parenting is challenging and difficult.  People don’t tell you that being a new parent equals little to no sleep for months, dealing with new experiences (even with your second or third child; each baby is unique in its temper and needs), and having to keep going, providing, and many times having to keep a job on top of everything at home.

The irony is we can’t truly know what we do not know, nor can we understand experiences we have never had – yet it is really important to know that the challenges that lie ahead will test you in ways you’ve never been tested before.  However, do not spend too much time worrying over the future and try to enjoy the pregnancy with all its challenges and expect for the best after. Meeting your new baby is an amazing experience. Learning how to care for your newborn, yourself and your marriage is not easy, but give yourself a chance, with time, it DOES get easier. And if you need help, support or advice, you can always speak to family, your baby’s pediatrician, friends or other professionals.

Enjoy every minute, because even if you are sleep deprived and think you are miserable, you’ll be surprised at how fast this stage is gone and they grow. Enjoy your baby’s milestones that make you a proud mother such as the first time they smile, laugh, turn, crawl, etc. Like many things in life, the little things are what make it all worth it.

Amazingly enough, we forget how difficult it was and then have another…

When you see your friends or family members go through a pregnancy you think, ‘how nice’, or maybe even ‘she’s so lucky’. You never consider the stress and planning that goes into having a child until… you are there (yes, there are a few planners who think of it all in advance, but even they have surprises along the way).

As your delivery date approaches you may suddenly realize that you don’t know much about how to care for a baby.  You may not have ever given a bath to a newborn, and/or you are clueless about breastfeeding.  There are millions of things to know – yet most of us go into motherhood less than prepared for the challenges that lie ahead. These types of thoughts may be overwhelming, but before you freak out you should know that you are not alone!

The truth is that everyone who chooses to have a baby has to learn how to care for their child (and who better than you to care for your baby). It has been done for generations by new (and clueless) parents around the world. However, by some miracle most of us become a ‘pro’ in no time!

In the meanwhile, how do you get over the anxiety and fears you have around caring for a baby that isn’t even here yet? That’s a great question! First, you can (and should) take advantage of parenting classes offered by your hospital, such as baby basics, infant CPR, breastfeeding, etc.

Second, turn to your friends and family for help and advice. Other Moms have experienced many of the same feelings you are facing now (weather they will admit to it is a different story), reach out to them and try to learn from their experience.

You can also find reading material on caring for a newborn online or in print (What to Expect your First Year as well as many others.  There are some really good books that can guide you through more than just the first year!)

When your baby finally arrives, ask for help and accept any help offered to you! Just remember when you suddenly find yourself doubting and fearful of what to do next remember you are not alone!

A Few Words About Cesarean Section

A cesarean section is a surgical operation in which the mother’s abdomen and uterus are cut to allow the baby or babies to be taken out into the world. After the baby is out, the placenta will be removed and the incision is sewn shut. This operation was originally designed to be performed only if its benefits are grater than the risks.

More often than not, the medical system may prefer a cesarean section on a vaginal birth. The modern machinery and knowledge provides a safe option, which can be a used as a safe solution to any question mark or issue, as minor as it may be, that may arise before the delivery. This fact rises the percentage of cesareans, at times with no real reason.

Elective Cesarean Section

When a cesarean is planned in advanced (mostly for no medical reason such as risk to the mother or baby), it is called an elective cesarean, which means it is done out of choice. In an elective cesarean, the date is selected / scheduled in advanced by the doctor and there is no dependency in the start of contractions or any other factor.

Today, many women prefer to have an elective, pre scheduled and contraction free cesarean section operation even if there is no medical problem requiring one. Remember, the operation is in fact an operation, with risk of complications and a long recovery. At the same time, the objective for each birth is to deliver a healthy baby while keeping the mother in good health (physically and mentally), so if the end result is just that, an operation can count as a valid means.

Emergency Operation

At times, a complication in the process of a delivery that has started vaginally may force the medical staff to perform an emergency operation. If the emergency c-section is performed due to a fetus distress, you will most likely not have the time to understand exactly what happened and be a part of the decision making. If there is time, ask to take part in the decision making, and understand why the doctors think it is best to proceed this way.  Later, after the delivery, you will feel better knowing you took part in the decision making.

Father presence during the C-Section

In some hospitals the father is allowed to be present in the room for a cesarean section. Unfortunately, he will not be allowed in the room for an emergency operation.

Elective Cesarean Section Advantages

• Protects the pelvic floor, which prevents future problems such as uncontrolled urine leak, uncontrolled gas and the likes.
• Prevents fetus distress during delivery in case of an emergency cesarean.
• Prevents risks of forceps delivery to the baby and mother
• Minimize uncertainties – date, time, length of operation, are all known in advanced to the women & the medical staff, and allow them to prepare for it.
• Eliminates the possibility of passing the 40^th week with no delivery, which may introduce complications.

Elective Cesarean Section Disadvantages

• Chance of infection after the operation
• There is no delivery experience.

My daughter and I now have six months of breastfeeding (BFing) experience under our belt.  Not to say that we don’t have our ups and downs, (more on that in another post) but we pretty much have got the hang of it and feel like we are ‘pros’ now.

She now knows that the “boob” is coming before I even take time to prepare to nurse. I guess it’s all in how she is being held, that signals to her ‘food’s coming, and not from a bottle’.  She opens her mouth wide and awaits the “boob” to find its way to her.  It’s all quite funny honestly.

Once she has latched on, one of two scenarios may occur – she may be alert, interested in playing while eating, or she may be very calm and close her eyes. If she is alert, it can be quite fun (and funny too). She’ll try and reach my face, slapping it absentmindedly while I aim to kiss her little hand. She may hold her leg (which I will also kiss!) and swing it at me or have her foot climbing up my shoulder. It truly is an adventure -playing with your baby while they BF.   I recommend it!

On the other hand, if she is sleepy or calm, it is a completely different experience. All of a sudden I get a chunk of time (where I have no play partner) and a free hand. Thankfully, I usually know in advance which of the two scenarios is more likely to occur, so I can plan for it. Regardless, I always make sure to have a bottle of ice water handy, because BFing makes you thirsty!

After my daughter has claimed her post at the “boob”, with a nursing pillow to support her and one hand holding her comfortably, I can get to ‘my business’. What you can do with only one free hand and a baby in your lap, you ask? Well, ironically you can get quite bit done actually. As long as your baby is comfortable and secure in his/her position, use your judgment and see what works for you.

From both personal and friends’ experience, here are some suggestions of how to use this time: You can – watch TV, read a book / magazine (when was the last time you did that?), browse the net (you don’t need two hands for that!), have a phone conversation, meditate, relax (you forget to do that when you are a new Mom! Here’s your chance). You can also take advantage of this peaceful time and nap (you can BF lying on your side, this way both you and your baby are comfortable).

If you have older kids, this can be a good time for a board game that does not require you to move much, or time to read a book together or practice your child’s reading. If the weather permits, you and you baby can enjoy the outdoors while supervising your older kids as they play.

One friend even confessed she used to cook light meals while BFing! It’s all about how creative you can be as well as how capable you are of multi-tasking.  Never fear if you aren’t comfortable doing more than one thing while breastfeeding – you certainly don’t have too.

We previously talked about your baby’s very first food. Whether it may be breast milk or formula, this was just the beginning of your baby’s culinary experience. The next step comes somewhere between four and six months of age. Consult with your pediatrician first before starting to try out baby food. Your baby will let you know too, they know best when they are ready. Some signs to look for – your baby turning six months old; your baby has doubled his/her birth weight; he/she is staring at people while they eat ‘grown up’ food.

Once you decide it is time to start your baby on solids, you should take a moment or two to learn what options are available to you. Like anything in life, each of the options has pros & cons. Take the time to learn about them so you can make the best decision for you & your baby.

Readymade foods are convenient. They are designed specifically for babies, so the taste should be acceptable by most babies. If you are not a ‘kitchen person’, readymade food is a great solution that will introduce your baby to a variety of tastes and ingredients. The down side of readymade foods is that they can burn a hole in your wallet. Also, to have extended shelf lives, they must contain preservatives, which affect both their nutritional value and taste.

Making baby food at home it easier that you imagine! You don’t have to buy special products and in comparison with readymade food, the expense is dramatically lower. The benefits of making your own baby food is that you know & control what goes in it, and when it was made. Once you & your baby have experimented and you know what foods get the green light, you can pre make them & freeze, so you don’t have to cook every day.

As with anything new give both yourself & your baby time to experiment.  Whatever your decision is, remember, this is just another taste in your baby’s culinary road. In no time, your baby will be eating what you do, just in smaller pieces…